Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize