half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
