Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
