I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
