She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
