I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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