it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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