i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
