I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
