What did we do last night that was yellow?
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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