the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
