i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Randomize
