Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
