You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
