So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
