Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Randomize
