I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
