Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
