i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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