Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Randomize
