If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Randomize
