Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
