I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
