just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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