it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Enjoy the penises
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
