Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
