Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
