Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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