You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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