I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
