did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
