Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Randomize