I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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