I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
