Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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