We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
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