i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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