I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
