he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
My bed smells like the plague
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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