she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
