Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
