woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
