and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Randomize
