well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
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