I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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