Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
