Will you blow on my dice?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize