she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
