She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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