I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize