so explain again why im purple
no
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Randomize
