I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
