I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
