why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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