they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
