Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
