Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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