babies were throwing up all over the place
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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