just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Someone came in the potted fern
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize