i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
babies were throwing up all over the place
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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