So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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