I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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