my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
