I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
So vagazzling was a success
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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