My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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