fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
