he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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