i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Randomize