I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i used baking grease as lip gloss
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
