Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
